Frite Chicken

I loves fried chicken motherfuckers. I am a fried chicken eating motherfucker, motherfucker. I was going to do some primitive survival one weekend out in the desert but I only have one free weekend here in the next several weeks and it is too cold to be running around in the desert naked, and we remembered what happened last time I did that shit...I want to practice making a fire using only stone tools and shit I gather from the Earth (ERF). I have been a good boy I haven't drank that much, flirted that much, or killed any cats in a long time. I don't remember the last cat I killed intentionally, only the accidental ones. I did kill some a kitten this morning in the shower though. Well I didn't kill the kitten, God did, but I was directly responsible for it. If you haven't figured out all these years what I am talking about google "God kills a kitten". Fuck it I started smoking this week. I bought a pack of Newports for a nigger to smoke and I hacked a fucking lung. Why the fuck did I decide to start smoking-that's right I wanted to be a cool motherfucker wif some menthols (memfalls) as you have noticed I am helping to teach you fuckers ebonix so you can understand my native language better. I am not from Africa but as yous may know I am 1/8th black (nigger) so I am classified as black according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Put that in your pipes and smoke it motherfuckers. I also think I am going to quit smoking this week and take up drinking again. Drinking doesn't make me stink -that bad. Unless I pull a three day bender and don't shower and I soak in my own dead brain cells nikkas. I love fried chicken thus I must be black, perfect reasoning. Bitches.

The Day

A lady friend that is very special suggest I write today to tell you all about the days event. Today at 1400 hours is the court date for my divorce. I really don't give a shit and I am not even showing up. Fuck it. Motherfuck it. I have a default divorce because my soon to be ex wife and I decided to settle everything sans a court. Good for us, we hadn't decided on a house to buy yet, thank God. So we had no assets to fight over, we split things up when she left. I didn't want anything except the washer and dryer and a couch and chair. She sold the washer and dryer on me. I don't know if it is the divorce thing hanging over my head, but I feel a disturbance among the stars, something isn't right. I get these feeling from time to time and I am not sure if I am jaded right now due to my situation. I don't have TV, so I won't write about that bullshit, sorry Nikka. It appears I am suppose to know about this movie The Notebook I knew it was a book because I see chix reading it. It is suppose to be the drag queen of all chick flix. If you look on myspace like I have you will notice that every woman has it as her favorite movie, I should have taken that as a cue. If you want to get laid be seen buying or renting a copy of The Notebook, any chick that sees this in your sweaty formerly occupied by your member hand will creme her panties and you will get laid twice. I should have hatched this devious plot years ago, I'm gonna wear my wiener out. Of to Hastings I go...

Gift from God

Thank you God in Heaven for the Gift you gave to me. The blood in my body the Gift is. The self that is my soul. I lay at the edge of despair. The pit that knows no hope. And God sends me this Gift. Small at first, my angel, then she grows. My Gift from heaven. My Gift gives me light for I know enough of darkness, my Gift gives me life. Thank you God for this Gift given unto me by your hand, it seems as I held your other. May God have mercy on my soul, my Gift has saved me from eternal damnation at the feet of the bearer of light. Thank you God for the Gift that gives me love and I love in return, the Gift is sweet the Gift is life. Thank you Lord for this Gift. My Gift is a Goddess, perhaps it is light quite divine. My Gift she grows and grows.

Boozing

Drinking and driving
I likes to drink Captain Morgan Spiced Rum and Bud Light beer. I was in a bar called The Western Club and I saw a poster of Bud Man and he had a bottle of Bud, Bud Light, and Bud Dry. I was like you know that poster is old if there is Bud Dry do you negroes remember those commercials? Why ask why, try Bud Dry. I also remember the commercials for Dianetics from L.Ron Hubbard fame. It would ask a question like "are you really real?" then it would say "Read Dianetics, by L. Ron Hubbard". I can barely remember Bud Man cuz I wasn't old enough to even think much less drink. I agree with Matt Stone and Trey Parker when they made fun of P. Nikkaz "vote or die" campaign. Think of all the idiots watching MTV that have zero clue about how elections work or even what is happening in the world apart from the life and times of Brittney Spears. That is one raggedy bitch. I liked how South Park made fun of "Vote or Die" a colored person is running around rapping vote or die motherfucker, vote or die bitch. Now if I get pulled over after drinking even one beer or some nyquil I am gonna be in trouble. I think the blood alcohol level for a DUI is .06 which is like opening a beer and sniffing it. So if I open a beer or sip on some rum I might as well camp out where I am at because I sure as hell ain't driving. I don't need a DUI or anything like that. I am used to drinking six beers then driving home, but those days are over with. And Arizona is raising the taxes on alcohol how are they going to make more money if they are putting a stigma on everybody that drank one beer and drove. Does the government want everyone on welfare and under the thumb of the legal system, yes they do. I am tired of the gummint trying to control everyone by limiting them. I remember a twilight zone episode were the government tested all kids when they turned twelve and if they were too smart they disappeared. I believe the government prefers dumb people that just nod and go along with everything the government feeds them. Christopher Walken is my uncle. End Rant.

Ice Angels

If Edward Scissorhands lived out here we might get some snow as he would dance and scissor ice and shit making big ice dicks and ice pussies with over sized clits. Edward Scissorhands is the shit, poor misunderstood soul. Edward was a normal young lad frolicking around the mansion grounds running with his scissors as he always did. His days were filled with killing cats and cutting up furniture, you see he wasn't always the innocent, wounded character we all know and love. He was a deviant, mean and evil little shit, always cutting the old mans moustache funny as he slept and chopping off dogs ears...that is until one day. When Little Edward was 13 he discovered a stiffness in his knickerbockers and it excited his curiosity. Being the little shit he is he cut a hole in his britches and out popped weeman. Little Edward was fascinated he always liked to kill the cats in the neighborhood, but he heard the neighborhood boys talking about killing kittens while they were looking at some sort of magazine with naked ladies in it. Edward knew that killing kittens had to be more fun than killing kats so he gave it a snip, but there was no fun. Poor little Edward had cut his wiener clean off. Killing kittens was not fun, and no more would be killing cats, or any of the other mischievous things he was accustomed to doing. Poor little Edward grew up that day and became the Edward Scissorhands we love to this day and you know the rest of the story.

The Corner

My brother and I must have been some pretty bad kids growing up. Everyday when our mom's boyfriend got home we got the beatings. A lot of times I don't remember what we did wrong, it must have been something bad though because the beatings came. When my mom would whip us my brother would take the blame, but when the old man whipped us I would often spare my brother the whippings. One time my brother and I left the milk out of the refrigerator. We were beat with a 1"x4" board that day, I remember this because it broke on me. We were not allowed to cry when we got our whippings and our mother never said a word or comforted us, that is how I knew we were bad. Usually the belt whippings were the best ones to get because they did not include hitting or kicking, just being hit from the neck down to the calves. I wasn't scared of the belt even though it made us bleed. I was scared of the beatings that were outside where weapons of opportunity lay about, an extension cord here a water hose there, a pile of lumber to be throw into there. I tried to stop moving once and maybe it would stop but it didn't I was just kicked and told to get up, and I would crawl a little further till I was kicked down. My brother and I were bad kids we never knew what we had done wrong until the end of the day, so instead of living in fear we did what we wanted, being bad kids. We never tried to run away we just faced what was coming. We never told because even our own mother wouldn't listen. We just knew we wanted to kill this man. That is how I remember the day my brother and I grew up Tim was 13 and I was 12 and we just got a beating for something not even worth remembering and we told the old devil that he was done and we wouldn't get beat anymore, because he had to sleep sometime. He looked at the monsters he had created as if to say deal, then turned and walked away.