Real Cool Hand

I am talking about woman love, not man love, and definitely not that life changing Two Girls One Cup love. I feel as if I lack the capacity to love someone in the cliche manner. I have had women give me thier love, but I don't think it was unconditional. I have never loved anyone unconditionally, except Jesus. I am sure that I would be the last person to ask about love, besides Dennis. I can tell you I loved some people, but they died. Maybe I am one of those people that can't love because they are scared. Also the people that were suppose to love me and protect me where the ones beating me when I was just a little kid. What would Freud say? Probably my mommy didn't love me enough. She did just a little too late. I don't know what is going on and I am lost. Don't ask me about love. I can tell you all about angst and mania and all kinds of crazy shit. I love my kids, but how can I not, they are so little and cute. Don't ask me about love, I can tell you all about depression and suicidal ideation. Love is a weapon, I know weapons. Love is a deadly weapon, I have only been on the recieving end of a few times. Tell me where am I going wrong?